The Unseen Realm

It has been three days in a row working non stop for seven hours. Not even a break to loo. Vital signs hourly and two hourly in my cubicle, hourly reflo and TDS reflo. Changing IV pints, flushing lines, nebuliser, suction, injections, dressings…I am over worked. Look, I don’t mind working over time for 1 hour or so but never, I mean NEVER take up my pathetic 30 minute lunch time. You never, I repeart, NEVER mess up with me when you starve me. Don’t ever, I repeat, don’t EVER try to get me to do anything when I’m hypoglycemic. Ask Ying Hui, she suffered my wrath today. Trust me, I don’t even remember my surname when my blood sugar level hits 3.0 mmol so KEEP OUT. Best bring a bar of chocolate with you when you really have no choice but to encounter me XD.

Okay, as usual my first paragraph tidak sebegitu berkaitan with my next paragraph. What I want to say here? Although I’m tired but I’m glad I’m busy all day. It kind of take things off my mind for the day. Also, I think I’ve began to take fancy in what I’m doing for real this time. Eh…I felt like this before, let’s hope this time will last. Lol…in semester one, I just hang around the ward and disturbing my seniors. In semester two I practically do nothing in the ward because I’ve had my mind set to leave IMU at that time. This semester? Well…I didn’t do that great for my papers but strangely, I’ve have this strange determination to be a better ‘nurse’. Guess what? The mind is really powerful.

I won’t say I’ve become a good ‘nurse’ now but at least I can see myself improve. I am able to function independantly (except when it comes to lifting people triple my size) and having the confident to do what I’m supposed to do. I still complain but nothing like semester two believe me. In semester two…fuh, my complaint beats the list for organ transplant applicants. I could grmble grumble and grumble the whole day until my mother also beh tahan. Haha…like I’ve said,  everything has its timing. God makes everything beautiful in His time.

Okay, let’s just say life is like a wheel and I’m at the top now. I know it’ll somehow get to the bottom again at one point. Lol…but what to do? That’s life, eh? All about endurance and learning from experience and mistakes that we’ve made. Who knows…maybe the next blog I’ll start jinxing everything all over again! For the time being, yeah, I’m happy. Next week holiday! Can’t wait to go back and catch up with ‘long’ lost friends. Okay…I gotta go ‘buka puasa’ too.

p/s: I’ve finally found my case study! Lol…yesterday night only I berbargain-bargain with God and asked for a case. Thank You!

Walking down the green hills, I turned around and looked at the path I’ve trampled on. For a moment, I thought I could not make it this far. I looked at the rocky point where I’ve stumbled and fall, scrapped my knees and bleed. How I’ve limped my way through muddy path. Now, stnading where I am, I felt so relieved that all things had come to past. Of course, I looked ahead of me too and not knowing what lies ahead but at least I’m moving forward right? For once, I don’t want to worry so much what’s ahead but put all my burden on Him. I have to start having faith that He will lead me to safety at the end of my journey. Still, I will stumble and fall but it’s great to know that somebody is going to catch you when you fall.

Well…one blink and it’s over. This year has been a bit different for me. It is a painful yet memorable one. First of all, I’ve quit cheerleading. That was painful for me because I really loved cheerleading (although I’m not good in it). I’ve put a lot of effort in it from the beginning but I felt so alone in it. In the end, I realize I’ve no time and I’ve neglected lots of things for it, I can’t afford to put up with it anymore so…quite la apa lagi. Secondly I’ve joined a total of four events this round. Yeah, I’ve lost all of them. I know…I know. However, it’s not the winning part which made up of my IMU Cup. In my IMU Cup are beautiful friendships which are formed and memories of wonderful faces.

My first event is Scrabble. I’ve met with Teddy, Sandeep and Jebby. Teddy is a cruel player on board. He taught me SOWPODS and that I have to destroy whatever I can’t get…on board.  Lol…out of the board, he is actually a nice guy who is looking for an empty room to rent. Lol! He’s afraid of the dark, ‘ada hantu’. Sandeep is a scary international player. Playing with him was soooooooooooo stressful. On the second night he actually ditched me and pushed me up the board to replace him. Sheesh…I was physically and emotionally unprepared. Anyway, through the competition I’ve met Lee. Lol..if I’m a nood, he’s evern noob-er. He lost to a noob, wakakakaka! Playing with him was the most relaxing one. we talked more than we played. At the end of 15mins, our board was pretty much empty. Lol…Jebby rocks. She scored 515. That’s a FIVE.ONE.FIVE.  Dun play play weh…

My second event was netball. Lol…we only practiced two hours before the event. I teamed up with this group of strong women. I’m telling you they are really professional strong women. Me being me just like a chopstick trying to defend the goal. Eh…? Come to think of it…I’m a goal keeper too. Oh…what in the Merlin’s beard!? Anyway, it has been fun knowing them. I remember Shaline (the ol’ nutty case), Sowmya, Jo, Sin Yee and two more Malay girls. They rock! also, in the game I’ve met with my seniors - Xin Hui, Siew Li and Ah Nian. I’ve hugged them more than my own team mates - exchanging sweat. Sheah Lin was there too. Iskh…I thought I am ganas but she…untouchable. One elbow and she can send me flying out from the court. This too, was fun and memorable. We played under the rain the whole night. Ah, I’ve bumped into a primary school friend too - Amira!

The third event is of course track and field, something I’ve tagged on through childhood. I jogged once in awhil;e, went for training twice. Daniel has been a great support for me. This year we had it in the main stadium. Sheesh…I swear the loop (400m) was more than 400m. Anyway, lost also la except for the medley. Lol…that is courtesy of Daniel, Shalini and Rauf. Me being me just run for the last round so I can go and eat. XD it has been great knowing you people! Ray Mun, I’ve never seen another guy as organized as him. Thanks for putting up the team together. Daniel! Thanks for making me run under the rain! It has been great, really! Shalini…I shall continue to haunt you! Love you lots! Rauf seemed like a pack of mean punch when he does not smile. It was the first time I saw him grin like a wacko when we won the medal. You’re a great speed, dude! Sin Yee, Justin, Weh Lan and the guy who tried to steal my shoe were there too. Seeing them smile just made my day!

Last but not least is debate. Lol…I’ve decided to join two days before the vent. I’m so used to Malaysian Parliamentary debate that I have no idea how British style works. Asked for advice,  Woon wee just ask me to go back and get enough sleep. Lol…I paired up with Zhi Yi in the end, anyway. He felt like choking me for the first round, I felt like strangling him for the second round and we felt like killing each other for the last round. It has been cool though. I’ve seen Han Ee Yong’s priceless facial expressions and body language - defeats any anime figure weh. Woon Wee…you just gave me the impression that you’re a serious business man. You’ve got something to sell and if I dun buy…something bad is going to happen to my next three generations XP. He’s just too serious! Zhi Yi? He’s just a mangga addict! Wakakaka…I ain’t telling you where I get three books for ten. Bluek!

So…what do I get in the end other than a bronze round plate, sore mucles, haematoma, joint paint, skin lacerations, stress and sleepless nights? Wonderful memories, priceless experience and amazing friendship. XD no regret~

Oh…although not related but I’ve got to mention this as tribute to someone who never fails to read my blog. There’s this one fella out there who never played footsal before actually won a GOLD medal. Even during practice, his opponent goal keeper can score a goal when he’s the goal keeper. I am speechless…next year I’ll do swimming, DoTA, tennis and basketball. Lol…but the spirit you guys have was amazing. The heart and effort you guys put in as a team was beautiful so yeah…congrats for the GOLD medal

Haha…my dream club is finally established! This club consist of nine committee members who got together under weird circumstances. They consisted of two very fanatic fella - Venus and Siew Li, two very innocent fella - Kin Man and Kuan Yin, three very neutral fella - Bee Ann, Samuel and Gajen, one very paranoid fella - Benny and one very blur fella - Han Hong.

HHong and Benny came up with this Otaku Club plan while Bee Ann and I wanted to ‘Japanised’ IMU. Sin Wee (cultural rep) foresee that disaster will blast IMU if two such clubs are formed so she asked us to combined. We did and here we have, IMU Nihon no Sekai (World of Japan). It was a bit tough to start off since the Blur President (HHong) and the Barbarian Vice President (Venus) can’t seem to see each other eye to eye. We have different philosophy. Then the neutral subjects - Sensible Secretary (Bee Ann), Alert Vice Secretary (Siew Li), Initiative Treasurer (Benny), Peace Maker Vice Treasurer (Kin Man) and Productive Event Planners (Samuel, Gajen, Kuan yin) jumped into action and put the messy puzzles together. From there, we had our recruitment drive which scored us 109 new members! Wohoo! I was in cloud nine then.

Next we had our welcoming party. Thanks to everyone, everything went well! About 80 people attended the welcoming party. What a blast! Now we’re working on getting a Japanese Language teacher to initiate the class, looking for a suitable movie to screen and working on the club fund. I’m working on the website of our club. It’s 30% done but I’m more worried about looking for a suitable host. More events are coming up! Hopefully we will be able to grow together and make this an outstanding and fun club for everyone!

This is another thing which kept me going. I’m very happy to be part of this club. Although most of the time I feel like strangling Han Hong then go jump sea, I don’t think i’ll ever regret this committee. Everyone in this committee has different personality and abilities. I guess that’s what made it interesting. Hehe…I love you guys la although I seemed like a cold blooded cookie monsters. Keep up the good job, Han Hong! Work on it and you’ll get a hand in leading a team! Benny, do let the team know if you need help and dun go crazy alone k? That’s what committee is all about - teamwork and supporting each other in healthy growth. Bee Ann and Siew Li, continue to be sensible cuz we need sensible people to prevent ’siao’ outcomes. Kin Man and Samuel, continue to absorb the Yang energy in meetings to prevent domestic violence XP. Kuan Yin, thanks for the output but do let us hear from you more. Gajen, keep talking! You are the greatest human resourse we can ever get! Ganbateh, everyone~

Oh…just to promote a bit. Do join us and email us for any quieries at imu.nohonnosekai@gmail.com. Cheers~

Oh…I love my one inch thick mattress. I could feel every single bar beneath me when I tried to slumber yesterday. It was…back breaking, neck straining and mucle aching. Nevertheless, I made it through the night, survived mosquitoes feast on me and woke up at 6:57am. That’s when I realised something. A lot of things, actually. First of all, I’ve forgotten to bring a mirror. For goodness sake such a huge house only have two tiny mirror - one in Ying Hui’s room (attached to the cupboard so no, I can’t smuggle it) and Sin Yee’s room (screwed onto the toilet wall so no, I can’t steal that either). Sheesh…now I have to terrorize their room every morning.

Secondly, I realized I didn’t bring a black hairband to tie my hair…great isn’t it? I have to use a yellow one with ornaments. Can harly fit them into the hair net! That’s not all, I’ve forgotten to bring hair clips too. You see why i rarely tie my hair in IMU. It’s because I’ve got lots of tiny hair which will sprout out like Dendalions. I ended up robbing Rachel’s extra hair clip. Woo…I’m in great sin of robbing my neighbours. Cey…despite shifting half of my house here something is still left behind. Sigh…that’s me.

Next, as I put on my uniform and fob watch…I realized the battery died. So yeah, I’m wearing a fob watch but only for image purposes. Also, I realized my pen torch died. Battery leaked (I hate Durcell!) and the whole internal became rusty. Grrr….what in the world? Why so ’suey’ wan…Then, I looked into the glass door (cuz no mirror large enough to see my full length, I’m tall you see…XP). That’s when I realized that my uniform is toooo gigantic for me. i looked like I’m in some simplified space suit or something. The top was too big, pants too lose and sheesh…even the shoes seem too huge for me. I kept slipping out of it. Man…I’m undergoing involuntary weight loss. Somebody help…my prognosis is bad. Sin Yee said I’ve lost water. Lol…dunno what to say. Maybe dropped from 65% to 50%.

Oh well…so far that’s all. Hopefully, that IS ALL. Talk about something good, yesterday night we celebrated Pesta Tang Lung. We lit the paper lanterns (sooo romantic) and ate moon cakes! I never knew moon cakes come in Durian flavor now. Lol…you know what happen when everyone burp that night? Chaos unleashed.

Compare to first semester, the house is slightly cleaner now. There’a washing machine already and a new water heater is set up in our bathroom. I also appreciate the fact that everyone in the house is keeping their stuff neatly. Erm…hopefully nothing go missing again. Everything is okay la so far except for my paper thin tilam and the cupboard. Gosh…the cupboard is near trash if it’s not for the door still functioning. Both the drawers are practically collapsed. I also dunno how to keep my stuff now. Well…that’s all for now. We will be working officially from tomorrow. Cla how things turn out, will definitely write something about it soon.  Jya~

Finally, my last event in IMU Cup. This is even more stressful than exams. Gosh…I can’t remember when was the last time I had adrenaline up to my throat. “On your mark…get set…” Sheesh…heart can go into ventricular fibrillation. My first event was 400m female. Haha…I put so much hope in this, running full speed for the first 200m. Leak oil for the next 100m and kaput on the last 80m. I fell within 20m to the finishing line. Haha..it was darn dramatic. The whole stadium went silent as I tried to stand up again. There was strength on my hands but my feet…my trembling feet just can’t go on.

Well, I scrapped all four limbs when I fell. Some remnant of my skin is still on the track. Bwahahaha…disgusting. When they carried me back and pour iodine on me, I can’t feel a thing. Only the next ten minutes I start to feel the pain. OMG…that night I took shower was awesome. I’ve never had such an exciting bath in my entire life. Ever.

Anyway, I thought of giving up after that fall, drive home as a loser and cry myself to sleep. Then again, anger started to build in me. I can’t take it anymore, I’ve been losing in every single thing I’ve ever joined in IMU. Gathering my last ounce of strength, I joined 4X100 female and 4×100 medley. Hehe…those strength can only come from God. The last event, I totally hand it into God’s hand. Not to ask him to let me win la but to continue giving me his strengthand that I don’t fall dramatically again. Lol…guess what? Just as I began to run for fun, we won! Third place but for me, good enough. Really loved my team members cuz they never ceased to support me. You guys did great! Love you guys a lot a lot a lot a lot!!! Daniel, Rauf, Shalini, Evone, Gladys, Sin Yee, Atiqah! You guys rock! 

p/s: Later la I post some pictures of me falling down. “London bridge is falling down, falling down, fallinf down…”

If I have a sister, I bet I’ll stranggle something everyday. Having my mom like that is sufficient. She likes to take something from my closet and some time later, they become permanent resident of her closet. Sometimes I have to shout and shout to find my clothes because I have no idea where they went. In return, I took some from hers and hid it too. Wakaka…I’m expecting her call anytime soon. 

Lol…another thing is, she likes to take my skirts and cut and cut and cut and make it a short short skirt. It’s like one day, i open my closet, pull out this black skirt and, “What in the Merlin’s beard!? Why is it 3″ shorter!?” Then she’ll say why i so aunty and likes to wear looooooooooooong stuff. It’s not me who’s aunty okay? It’s my uncle skol which dun allow short stuff. Lol…sigh…so much for my clothes. This morning also late to university because all my tops are missing. I have to go to the laundry room to grab one from the hanger :S

Lol…that’s the down pour of having a sisterish mother. I’ll share some good point another time. just the other night both of us stayed up till wee hours to talk and talk and talk like there’s no tomorrow. Wakaka…there’s nothing like family, eh?

Hah…seems like ‘Going Rojak’ is not going to be my last post after all. I’m soooo freaking stressed that I can’t even read six slides in one hour. Six miserable slides. Woo…my brain is congested. I kept thinking about other things, day dream, play scrabble, eat, sleep, sing, play, guitar and yet I can’t finish six slides in one hours! Woo…I’m so scared. I think I’m failing my reputation as a student. I don’t care as much as I used to anymore. It’s sickening, I’m disgusted at myself although I tried to remind myself to love myself more.

Just this morning, I woke up late. Grad my lab coat from the laundry room and drove off. I didn’t iron that coat and guess what I looked like? Totally unprofessional. Crap la…I hated that kind of irresponsible attitude that I put forward nowadays. Even my lecturer notice my solemn personality. I always wondered alone in university. When there are people around, they laugh I laugh. If not, I resume wandering around. Feel so…purposeless. I hated this kind of feeling. Sheesh…I better start brushing up myself before I fall beyond rescue.

Oh by the way, stress gives crazy dandruff. This RESEARCH on me is REAL. Let’s see…when you think too much, you used up your brain juice (CSF). When there’s increase in osmolarity due to water loss, you feel headache and dizzy. So, you can’t read six slides in one hour but you can play scrabble. Then to compensate the water loss, water is absord from your scalp. Thus thy scalp gets dry and there you have it…DANDRUFF! Haha…okay, that is so freaking lame. The past 80 words I’ve typed are crap. Forget it.

What happen if one day you woke up and find that you cannot see. You squirmed your eyes and open them wide but all you can see is shadow of darkness. Being blind is totally not cool. The first thing I’ll think of is…I’ll never get to watch Madagascar next year. I won’t be able to watch Harry Potter and horror flicks with my best friends. Then, the faces of people whom I know will remain as a static image. I cannot see them grow up nor grow old. Everything that I know will remain as it is - I cannot see changes anymore. The though of that is so painful. Anyway, this has nothing to do with the rest of the blog. Just a deviation…haha.

Everyone makes mistake once in awhile although I seemed to make mistake every second in my life…haha. I guess the important thing is to learnt from the mistakes and hopefully, let’s not make the same mistake twice. Sigh…once again, I think I’ve made the same mistakes more than three times. Wakaka…me and my lame brain.

Another thing is…I think it is easier to forgive a non-christian than a Christian fellow. The common reason given is, "they should have known better." True enough, we should know better but knowing is not enough. No matter how ‘Christian’ we are, we are still human. Sad to say, human is just selfish in nature. Okay…selfcrab maybe. That’s is something very difficult to brush off. How many in the world is like Mahatma Gandhi or Mother Teressa? Hmm…tough one.

Hmm…after next two weeks of exam, I won’t be around that often anymore lu. Won’t be updating this blog as often as I used to anyway. Hopefully can catch up with some xlose friends before I go. Lol…hopefully can catch up with close friends before they go too. Take care peeps~

I’m so sick of being left behind. I’m so sick of being cancelled on, being thrown bad news and being ffk last minute. I’m so sick of people who think they can just cancel on me anytime cuz it’s alright, it doesn’t matter, what can she do to me? Yeah, you’ve got it right there that there’s nothing I can do to you except to keep it in mind and kill myself with it. It hurts…but I just don’t know how to express it except to burst out in anger. What all these resort to? Me being labeled as snob and bossy! Sometimes I ask myself why I have to strive so hard to make things work. If nobody cares, why should I? It seems that I’m fighting all these silence battle alone. It hurts…hurts so badly that I’ve grown emotionless. I don’t know how to be happy anymore in front of people. So disappointed with people that I rather stay home alone and sleep, read a book, play my guitar, whatever. Even with my close friends I have nothing much to say anymore. I think all these are eating me from inside. It’s totally stupid.

Sometimes it’s just so hard to move on because there’s simply no encouragement. I’m so sick of people even some faces in my own class. Problems just keep arising one after another no matter what I do. I can do 100 good things but one flaw and that’s it. Just one flaw and it’ll be amplified and spread throughout the continent. I can’t do it anymore, I can’t keep trying to fix things and pretend everything is alright. I can’t go back there. I can’t look into the eyes of people who hate me deep to my soul yet pretended to smile at me. It’s so disgusting. I’m so sick of being left behind, being left out. All these make me feel so unworthy. So what can I do? Hang on, of course. What else can I do? Am I to change to what people want me to be? I can’t bend. That’s why it hurts to depend on someone, to put so much trust on someone, to convey your hope and share your dreams with people. It’s just so unpredictable and anytime, anyone can turn around and stab you. At the end of the day, you will realise that nobody can really accept you for who you are. It’s so sad isn’t it.

When I work with people, I give in my best. Again, strive as far as I could but only to be turned down by this, “You don’t have to do all these, you know?” No, I don’t know. If it’s a cincai work you want, why do it at the first place? Working with me is not stressful as long as you do your part but I guess it’s my effort to try to be friendly at first that people take advantages on. They laugh at my back thinking that I’m a stupid little crap. Don’t bother about her la, let her do everything, she’s just a student of nursing wert. What the *blank* can she do to us? Ahh…it’s expected that she’ll react like that, don’t bother la. Well…it hurts. It hurts a lot. My compassion for people is pretty much dried. Sometimes I just sit at home wondering if there’s anyone out there who thinks good of me, who thinks me other than snob, bossy, b**chy, arrogant, over-confident, over-smart, selfish, perfectionist, negative, negative and more negative remarks.

Sheesh…it’s time like this I’ve become so weak. So weak that all I want to do is to sleep and never to wake up again. Life seems meaningless that everyday I have to face people who pretend in front of me, people who hate me for no apparent reason or if there’s a reason, tell me! Why such chicken to give me sulky face but talk bravely behind my back? Why don’t have the guts to tell me? Ahh…I don’t want to care anymore. If it’s all the negative things you think of me, all those negative things are all you’ll ever get from me from now on. I’m not going to even try changing your mind about it. I’ve got to harden my heart to people. I’m not ever going to show the weak side of me ever again, a soft side if there’s one. Meaningless. Totally.